Hold On
by Kurtrina Hummel
Summary: "As long as you continue to stay on your medication everyday, you should be fine." Kurt/Noah friendship. Kurt/Finn bro love. Minor language. Mind the rating.


**Story title****:** Hold On  
**Author:** Kurtrina Hummel  
**Pairings/Characters: **Noah Puckerman, Kurt Hummel, Finn Hudson, other Gleeks  
**Rating: **NC-13  
**Word Count: **3,702  
**Summary: **Kurt Hummel flips out.  
**Spoilers: **If you didn't know about the Hummel-Hudson household...  
**Author's Note: **This is a fill from the glee_angst_meme. The prompt was_, 'The reason Burt is so protective of Kurt is because he has bipolar disorder which his mother also suffered from. When he was a child he would have intense mood swings and fly into rages, often hurting himself. Maybe during a severe depressive episode a couple years after his mother died, Kurt tries to commit suicide. The Glee club finally makes it to nationals which is out of state (pick a location as long as its not in Ohio or within driving distance) and in Kurt's rush to pack and catch the bus, he forgets his medication. Although he tries to stay calm, something triggers an episode. Puck, his roommate for the trip, thinks he's just upset but soon Kurt's episode escalates to the point of being violent and not being able to control himself. Puck runs to get Will and of course the rest of Glee finds out quickly. Finn, remembering a conversation with Burt about Kurt's disorder, calls him in a panic and he talks them through helping Kurt.' _ Song at the end is 'Hold On' by Good Charlotte.  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own Glee. If I did Puck and Kurt would be together, Rachel would be dead in a ditch somewhere, and Finn would have committed suicide because of Rachel's death. So obviously, I don't own Glee.

* * *

Kurt filled his suitcase with the essentials. Clothes, shoes, hats, makeup, toiletries, towels, emergency skin care kit, and of course hair products. All of the stuff combined makes it extremely hard to even get the suitcase to close. Looking at his bedside clock, he realizes that he has half an hour to get his bag closed, the car loaded with Finn and his bags, eat breakfast, and find his phone charger. After spazzing for a minute, he attacks his bag and manages to somehow get the zipper to shut.

Twenty minutes until the car pulls out of the drive way. Hauling his bag up the stairs was a huge task for the boy. It was about half of the boy's height and weighed almost as much as him. Struggling all the way out to the car, Kurt finally manages to haul the plain black bag into the trunk. Finn's Adidas duffel bag lay by the front door on the porch and Kurt decided to be a nice 'little' brother and throw it in the car for the quarterback.

Ten minutes until the car pulls out of the driveway. He hurriedly enters the kitchen and looks for anything that is healthy and quick. Finding his favourite whole wheat bread, he pops some into the toaster and sets about looking for his phone charger. He looked under the couches in the living room, in all of his drawers in his bedroom, in between the cushions on his dad's recliner, and even in Finn's room (the quarterback didn't take very kindly to being yelled at this early in the morning).

Two minutes until the car pulls out of the driveway. Kurt gave up the search and figured he'd just have to borrow Mercedes' when she wasn't using her own. He pulled the toast (which wasn't warm anymore) from the appliance and spread Nutella across the crispy surface. He was just about to leave the kitchen when he saw it. His phone charger was plugged into the outlet by the coffee pot. He didn't remember plugging it in there, but at least he had found it.

He heard his father shouting from the car outside and knew he was out of time. He ran through the checklist in his head and figured he had everything. It didn't matter anyways. If they didn't leave now, they wouldn't get to the airport in time for their plane. There was no way he was being the cause of an eight and a half hour drive all the way to Baltimore, Maryland when they could easily have flown there.

The car started to pull away from his house and he watched as Carole stood at the window of her and Burt's room waving farewell. She was a nice enough lady, but she was a total bitch in the mornings. And coming from Kurt, that was really bad.

* * *

After landing at Baltimore-Washington International Thurgood Marshall Airport (called BWI to the natives of Maryland), the group took off on the MTA light rail and made it up to the city. Compared to Lima, Baltimore was a bustling, crowded place. You could tell who the tourists were and who was the native Baltimorons (they seemed to like their nickname for some strange reason) just by listening to their voices.

Mister Shue had gone all out for this trip. He rented a car for himself and Miss Pillsbury, but they were only using it to shuttle round the luggage. Once they had exited the light rail, Shue had demanded that he have all of their cell phone numbers. He entered and saved them all into his phone before telling them that they all had four hours to look around the city before having to meet up at the Hippodrome for a quick vocal test.

The groups had been made quite easily. Santana, Brittney, and Quinn wanted to go to the Aquarium to see the fish. Tina and Artie and said they were going to find food and that they were going alone, no questions asked. Mike, Matt, and Finn all wanted to see M&T Bank Stadium as well as Camden Yards so that's where they headed off to. Rachel, being the ever creepy girlfriend that she is, went with them and clung to Finn as he talked with the other boys. Kurt and Mercedes really wanted to see what the city had in the way of stores. Noah, who had only just joined the conversation, realized that his boys had left already and grudgingly followed the two fabulous gleeks around the city.

Seeing that Noah was basically forced into going with the two of them, Kurt decided to be nice and include him in their store extravaganza. He often asked Noah for his input on an outfit and even offered to buy the jock a drink. After about two hours, the group stopped over at the Hard Rock Cafe Baltimore to grab a little something to eat and map out the way to the Hippodrome.

"So here's a map of the city, hon." The waitress spread opened the paper on their table once the dishes had been cleared and the check had been paid for. "This is where Hard Rock is and over here," she moved her finger a short distance down the page, "is the Hippodrome Theatre. If you're here to see a show though, you're going to have to wait until Sunday. Apparently they're having some Glee Club competition there this year. The theatre is shut down tonight for vocal checks for the mics and tomorrow for the actual show."

She shrugged her shoulders and sighed. "My money is on that club from Millersville, Maryland though. What do they call themselves?" Her face scrunched up in concentration before realization dawned upon her. "Oh, that's right! They call themselves the Camerata Singers. Don't know what that means, but I always have to cheer for the home team." A smile lit up her face and a slight laugh came from her lips.

Noah couldn't resist messing with her. "Really? But what about that team from Lima, Ohio? New Directions. I heard they're pretty bad ass."

She must have realized that they were there for the competition because that mile left her face immediately. "Oh! I'm sorry! I didn't know y'all were here for the competition. Listen to me making a fool of myself and talking smack." Her cheeks were a light pink as if she actually was embarrassed. She finished giving them direction before wishing them luck. "I hope y'all do well tomorrow. Hope you come back for some good southern hospitality. Bye, Hons."

The group laughed as they exited the rock n' roll cafe. "Southern hospitality? I though Maryland was part of the north."

"Oh, were of the Northern side in the Civil War, but they're below the Mason Dixon Line. That makes them part of the south. Besides, they didn't really have a choice about being a free or slave state. Abraham Lincoln suspended Maryland's habeas corpus rights."

"Whatever, Hummel. Just stop with all this knowledge stuff. It's making my brain hurt."

The three were again laughing and joking as they made their way around the city. They had left the eatery at two forty-five, giving them an hour and fifteen minutes to walk the mile journey from one side of the city to the other. Somewhere along the way though, they got lost.

They somehow ended up on Russell Street which was in the completely different direction from where they had originally wanted to be. When three thirty rolled around and they knew they weren't going to make it on time, Mercedes pulled out her phone and called their faculty adviser.

"Hey, Mister Shue. Kurt, Puck, and I kinda got turned around. We're gonna be a little late." She paused as the man talked. "Naw. We let Puckzilla over here navigate. Yeah, I know. Not the best decision to let the boy who failed geography read the map."

While she continued her call, Kurt started to feel a little weird. His stomach was going crazy with worry. He tried to control his sudden mood change, but knew what was happening. He tried to discretely dig around in his pocket for the pills he normally kept on him for such circumstances. He didn't feel them in his pocket. Now he was starting to freak. Thinking back to this morning's checklist, he realized that his medication hadn't even been on the list.

He felt his hands start to shake, and balled them into tight fists that no one would see them. He focused on Mercedes voice on the phone and listened as she told Noah that they were stay where they were and that Miss Pillsbury was on her way. He didn't know how long he had been focusing, but the second Pillsbury arrived, he jumped into the back seat and slammed the door behind him.

* * *

The vocal check had gone great. New Directions had been complimented on how well they took each new problem that had popped up during their mic check. The group had just laughed and said that they were used to expecting the unexpected. They had met the other groups that were there as well.

Mercedes, Kurt, and Noah and paid special attention to the Camerata Singers since their waitress had mentioned them. They will admit that the group was downright awesome. They sang songs from Broadway, but they weren't the typical Broadway shows that Berry had introduced the club to. Their group number was _I Hate Myself for Loving You_ from _Rock of Ages_, their duet was _I Think I Got You Beat_ from _Shrek: The Musical_, and then they had a girl's number by The Raveonettes.

After meeting the other singers, New Directions decided to go out for dinner that night and then turn in for the night. They headed for a something they knew everyone would like: McDonalds.

* * *

"Okay, guys. We're here." Mister Shue stopped outside the Hilton Hotel. Everyone looked at the fancy hotel in awe.

"No way! Shue this is like... Whoa!" Santana's eyes lit up as she took in the decor in the main lobby. They really had gone all out for this Nationals trip.

Shue laughed. "Okay, now that you guys have stopped drooling, here are the room assignments. For the girls: Santana and Brittney, Quinn and Rachel, and Mercedes and Tina." The girls mainly looked happy about the room situation, minus Quinn and Rachel. "For the boys: Mike and Matt, Finn and Artie, and Noah and Kurt." All of the guys seemed pretty cool about their partners, grabbed their keys, and headed up to the rooms.

* * *

Kurt collapsed on the closest bed when he opened the door. He was so tired and just wanted to sleep. Since the whole getting lost in the city thing, he really hadn't settled down. He knew that he seemed to get more irritable as time passed. He blamed it on being tired, but he knew that his disorder was flaring up.

Noah flopped down on his bed face first. "Mmmmm mmmmm mmmmmmm mm mmmm."

Kurt looked over at the jock slightly confused. "Excuse me?"

"I said," he turned over to face the small countertenor, "sorry about getting us lost."

"Whatever, it's over and done with."

"No, seriously. I saw that you looked liked you were really freaked out."

"Noah, really, drop it."

"I'm just saying-"

"NOAH! DROP IT!"

Noah jumped at the raised voice from the small boy.

"I mean really, what part of shut up don't you understand? How hard is to just not talk about something?" Kurt sat up at clenched his fists. He knew his control was quickly slipping, but right now he didn't care. "We got out of it just fine. It's not like anyone was seriously injured or in any danger. Just stop talking about it, or I might just have to hurt you."

"Whoa, chill. I'm just saying sorry for getting us lo-"

He was cut off as a fist connected with his jaw. To say he was surprised, was an understatement. Before he could counter act though, he was attacked again by another fist. After the third punch though, he caught the clenched hands and held them. "Kurt! Settle down. I was just apologizing."

Kurt knew that he was crying. He could feel the hot streaks down his face. He pushed with everything he had against Noah and managed to knock him against the wall. Hearing the cry of pain from Noah, Kurt knew he should have stopped but he couldn't.

* * *

Finn was unpacking when he heard a loud bang come from the room on his left. That had been Puck and Kurt's room. He figured that putting them in a room together was going to be a bad idea, but he didn't think it would be this quick. Sighing, he tossed his pants onto the bed and headed towards the door when another loud bang came from the wall followed by a yell of pain.

Being quicker now, Finn dashed next door and banged on the door. When no one answered, he decided that a little destruction of property would be overlooked. Raising his left leg to about his waist, he kick the at the door with everything he had. Luckily, the door flew open and Finn paled at the sight before him.

Kurt had Puck pinned to the ground with his left hand balled up into the half back's shirt. His right hand was pulled back at ready for a punch when he spotted Finn in the doorway. He let go of Noah and the poor kid's head slummed to the floor.

Kurt had an unreadable glint in his eye as he turned his attention towards Finn. He stared at the to tall teen before going postal on him. Finn did his best to handle the one hundred and twenty pound teenager, but soon found that Kurt really could put up a fight.

Seeing that Kurt was now occupied with beating his step-brother into a bloody pulp, Noah made a break for it and dashed down the hall to Shuester's room.

* * *

"Okay, all kids in their rooms? Check. Unpacked? Check. Outfit laid out for tomorrow? Check. Alarm set? Check." Shue went down his checklist and realized that everything had been done about fifteen minutes ahead of schedule. He was just about to drop his pants and get into bead when a loud banging came from his door.

Sighing, he stepped over and opened the flimsy piece of wood. At first, he didn't process what he saw, until he heard Noah Puckerman's voice sound so weird. Taking in the complete appearance of the boy, he realized now that there was an emergency.

"Kurt's gone off the deep end. We were just siting around talking and then all of the sudden he throws a punch at me. He's gone completely mental. Right now, he's beating the hell out of Finn. Mister Shue, I don't know what to do."

Without even speaking to Noah, Shue bolted down the hall to where the rest of the gleeks had gathered. He could hear Mercedes over all of them screaming at her boy to stop his mad streak.

"Calm boy, white boy! Stop! Kurt, this isn't funny anymore! Please just stop!" Tears were running down the black girl's face as she wached her best friend continue his violent reign.

To Finn's credit, he seemed to be holding his own pretty well. It looked like Kurt had only gotten a few punches in, but Finn was holding the small boy away at arms length and his face was one of fear.

After recruiting Mike, Matt, and Noah, Shue ran into the room and grabbed the smaller of the two. Mike and Matt restrained his arms behind his back while Noah stood off to the side ready to be of any assistance if it was needed.

* * *

After Kurt realized that he couldn't swing anymore, he turned to verbally lashing out. "Get the fuck off of me! He's a fucking bitch! He can't even take a hit! Come on pretty boy! Fight back! Or has living with a fag turned you soft? You fucking princess! Hit me back! See what happens!"

Finn looks straight at Kurt and noticed something off about his eyes. They seemed dilated and sort of out of whack. That's it hit him. He remembered Burt saying something about the dancer being diagnosed with bipolar disorder after his mom died when Kurt had gone into a major depression cycle and trying to commit suicide.

He looked into the hall and saw Quinn holding her phone in her hand. She had probably pre-dialed 911 in case things got completely out of control (which, in Finn's opinion, they already had). He quickly crossed over to her and snatched the phone form her hands. Ignoring her look of protest, he dialed Burt's cell phone number.

"Hello?" The voice on the other end seemed tired and distant.

"Burt? It's Finn."

"Hey! How's the trip?" This time he sounded cheerful and happy.

"Actually that's why I'm calling. I think Kurt forgot his medicine."

"What did he do?" Now, the voice was all business.

"Well, he sort of attacked Noah and me. He had a mean right hook. Once we got him restrained though, he started shouting and cursing."

"Okay, well, you just need to get him to calm down... Better yet, let me talk to him."

Finn walked back into the room and over to the bed where Kurt was being held into the mattress. "Kurt? It's your dad."

"I don't want to talk to that homophobic redneck!"

Finn placed the cell at the boy's ear anyways and watched Kurt's eyes for any signs of change.

* * *

"Kurt? It's me. It's daddy."

"I know who you are. You're the man who shoves the pills down my throat when I start to yell."

"No, Kurt. It's your dad. I wouldn't do that to you. I love you to much."

"Yeah right. Just like you loved mom. You crammed the medicine down her throat to. You just wanted to shut us up."

"Kurt, you know that's not true. C'mon, buddy. Think. Who's there when you want to cuddle?"

"...You."

"Who lets you tale their credit card when you go shopping?"

"...You."

"Who loves you unconditionally and never wants to see you hurt?"

"You do." Kurt felt his anger slowly receding as he thought about his dad.

"Okay, son. I have to talk to Finn again. Are you going to be okay?"

"I think so... Daddy? I'm scared."

"I know. I'm scared too. It's okay though, we'll make it through. I love you, Kurt."

"I love you too, Daddy."

* * *

Finn took the phone away from Kurt's ear when the small boy's eyes closed and the tears started to fall. "Mr. H?"

"He'll be fine, Finn. He's going to go into a major depression now, but just give him a couple aspirin and let him sleep."

"Sure thing. I'll tell Puck to keep an eye on him since that's who he's rooming with."

"Thanks, son. Good move in calling me."

"No problem, Burt. We'll see you when we get back in Lima on Monday." He ended the conversation and surveyed the room seemed to be in good condition (well, minus a broken lamp and the kicked in door) so it wouldn't be that big of a property bill. The emotional toll though was easy to see.

The girls looked so scared and they just stared, wide eyed, at Kurt. Mercedes was full on sobbing and mumbling about psychotic white people. The boys just seemed stressed and tired. While they had never actually seen Kurt throw a punch, it was apparent from the small dancing muscles that he had been quite strong.

* * *

It had been a half hour since Mister Shue had rounded everyone and shooed them back into their proper rooms. Noah had been laying on his bed staring at the ceiling listening to the broken sobs coming from the bed next to him.

He knew that he should be pissed as hell that Kurt had bested him in a fight, but given the circumstances he just felt sad that Kurt had never told the Glee Club about his disorder.

Another fifteen minutes went by and the sobs were still coming on strong from the small bundle of shaking blankets. Sighing, Noah pulled the blankets from his own body and went over to the countertenor, slipping behind the boy and wrapping his arms around the quaking form. He sang to the frightened boy not knowing what else to do.

_"Hold on if you feel like letting go_

_Hold on it's gets better than you know_

_Don't stop looking, you're one step closer_

_Don't stop searching, it's not over."_


End file.
